JOKES OF TODAY

When men think they are playing games

Easy prey

As many women know, men are easy and can be led by their penises in most instances. Men just want to get their rocks off without any emotional baggage. For example, a man took his wife to the hospital. After the consultation, the doctor said, ‘Sir, you will not be able to have sex with your wife for about two weeks while everything heals’. He looked at the doctor incredulously, laughed in derision and said, ‘No problem, I have three wives!’ In effect, it is her loss if her ‘you know what’ is out of commission. Nothing to do with him! With free sex on tap, most men will say, ‘Yes, I love you’, to the devil herself!

So, let us have some fun with men.

First, a joke

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. I think it was one of those quick Mike Tyson fights. The husband sighs and complains, ‘This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!’ ‘Good,’ replied his wife. ‘Now you know how I feel.’ Wham, bang, thank you, Madam!

A conference for love

Heard about the man who told his wife he was off for a three-day church conference. ‘Okay’, said the wife but first, let us pray. She said, ‘Lord, grant my husband great journey.’ ‘Amen’, he shouted. ‘Weaken his manhood, if he tries to commit adultery’. The husband was silent. ‘Kill him if he commits….’ At this point, the husband shouted, ‘Shut up, shut up.’ ‘I am no longer going on the trip’. ‘The Holy Spirit has just told me the conference has been cancelled’.

The devil in mobiles

A friend related the story of a woman who called her husband while he was having another woman in a hotel room. He told her quietly that he was in a meeting and hurriedly dropped the phone. Unfortunately, his wife then heard sounds of lovemaking through the phone. Naturally, she was livid when he got home and took him to task on it. An epic fight ensued. Would you like to know how he got out of the mess? He blamed the devil and admonished her for trying to allow the devil to come between them. Apparently, perhaps another line may have bumped onto his phone line. A network problem! I get that with MTN sometimes. Or maybe it’s just pure mischief and her vivid imagination. In fact, his colleague at work did confirm that he was in a ‘meeting’ until early morning.

Another joke

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, ‘Your butt is getting really big. It’s bigger than the barbeque grill!’ Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asks. She answers, ‘Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little sausage?’

The final joke

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, ‘If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?’ Johnny says, ‘None.’ The teacher asks, ‘Why?’ Johnny says, ‘Because the shot scared them all off.’ The teacher says, ‘No, two, but I like how you’re thinking.’ Johnny asks the teacher, ‘If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlour, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?’ The teacher says, ‘The one sucking her ice cream.’ Johnny says, ‘No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!’ You would not want the one biting your ice cream now, would you?

A new wife

I sometimes wonder how women feel in situations where cultural attitudes or religion shortchanges them. Mallam was in Saudi Arabia recently asking Allah to provide a second wife for him. Sadly, he had forgotten that his wife was right beside him. A pity she could not smack him over the head in the mosque! Often you cannot blame the men, but other women, who have no allegiance to womanhood. That is not the point of this article.

The point of this

The fact is that men are involved in relationship struggles and battles daily. We are at the mercy of women. The foolish man thinks he is smart to have caught a woman. Whereas the smart man realises that he is the one that was hooked and caught in a cage! In this relationship, you are allowed to perform and pleasure the woman occasionally. If she is happy, you even get to buy her a present. If she is not satisfied, you get hypertension. Having many wives is no fun at all. You think you are playing games when you are actually the main sport. Now, what do you say about men who have many wives? I once saw one of them at 50 years of age complaining of a bad back.

Really, just a bad back! No hypertension!

NB: This is just light relief to make you laugh and reduce your blood pressure. But, please do not stop taking your medication even if you have one wife.